Ask the Rabbi

A series of questions asked of our Rabbis and Cantor with their responses that have been featured in the Temple Shaaray Tefila Messenger.

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How can I figure out what is the Hebrew name of relatives who don’t remember theirs – or don’t even know for sure whether they were ever given one?

1. Hebrew names are selected using a variety of criteria, eg, in honor/memory of a loved one; a favorite name from Bible or Jewish history/tradition; as a Hebrew translation of – or a “sound-alike” to – the
English name. (By the way, the tradition of not naming a child after a living relative is an Ashkenazic [Eastern European] Jewish tradition. Sephardic families, on the other hand, will often name a child after a living relative. Some parents choose to give a first and middle name; that is entirely by choice.)
2. Since the Hebrew name chosen by a parent is not necessarily the closest sound-alike to or translation of the English name, even a rabbi cannot tell you with certainty what your or relative’s Hebrew name is/was. Note: even if the English name is one with a clear Hebrew “equivalent” (eg, David, Ruth), that does not necessarily mean that this was actually the Hebrew name given.
3. There are still several ways to find out what the Hebrew name is/was; especially by asking older family members or by referring to documents such as baby naming and b’nai mitzvah certificates and
ketubot (Jewish wedding contracts). If you have trouble with the Hebrew in these documents, the rabbis can help you.
4. Yes, a rabbi (or you) can select a Hebrew name for you or a family member, but it is very much worth doing the legwork to see if the true name (given at birth or in advance of b’nai mitzvah or a wedding) can
be determined. The significance of our true names is great. As the Mishnah teaches: “There are three crowns: the crown of learning, the crown of priesthood, and the crown of royalty – but the crown of a good name excels them all. ”

Can you explain - simply, please - what makes a food chametz (not kosher for Passover)?
(April 2004)

THE MOST BASIC DEFINITION OF CHAMETZ IS: Anything leavened that results from five grains—wheat, barley, spelt, rye, or oats—in combination with water. Any product of these five grains is chametz once leavening takes place (which happens 18 minutes after being mixed with water, according to the Talmud). Matzah is made of flour and water, but it is not chametz because it is baked before the 18 minutes is up. Every other grain-based product you can think of—bread, cake, pasta, crackers—is chametz.

So far, so good. But why do Ashkenazic Jews also forsake rice, beans, peas, corn, and peanuts? Because this category (called kitniot) can be ground into flour and made into bread products that looked confusingly like chametz. Further technical details might also exclude allspice, cloves, nutmeg, cumin, coriander, sesame seeds, chili powder and other spices. On the other hand, Sephardic Jews never had such bans, and in fact use rice and other forms of kitniot as signature ingredients in Seder cuisine. On the third hand, some ultra-Orthodox sects won’t use matzah or matzah meal as an ingredient in cooked dishes at all.

Beyond the most basic understanding, the bottom line is that every community has its own definition of chametz. Customs, even within families, vary widely. So sit back, eat, and admire the ingenuity of Jewish cooks throughout the ages. Whatever the restrictions, they create memorable feasts whose distinction from everyday fare instills the central holiday message—We were freed from slavery in Egypt!—with every bite. Bitay ahvon (bon appetite)!

Has Temple Shaaray Tefila always been a Reform congregation? (Feb 2004)

In the beginning-or 350 years ago, at any rate-there was Shearith Israel. It was the first congregation in the New World, and it was Orthodox, for the simple reason that no other denomination existed. In 1825, a faction broke from Shearith Israel to found B'nai Jeshurun, and 20 years later, Shaaray Tefila was formed when a group left B.J. These men, who included B.J.'s original leaders, seceded in part because of a dispute over a Board of Trustees election, a renegade Bar Mitzvah, a lock-out of the opposition by nailing shut the building's doors and windows, and a fistfight on the bimah during a Torah reading! But religious practice was not part of the quarrel.

In the middle of the 19th century, German immigrants brought Reform to this country. But Shaaray Tefila remained Orthodox (the Messenger was founded in part to defend Orthodoxy), even as most American congregations tilted toward Reform. Toward the end of the 19th century, Shaaray Tefila's leadership chose a moderate path for change, avoiding the radicalism that had plagued some early adopters of Reform. The Messenger now had space for advocates of both Reform and Orthodoxy, and changes to the service-seating men and women together, using more English, and singing by choir- made it more accessible. Although Shaaray Tefila continued to see itself as Orthodox, by the end of the century the congregation had adopted the Union Prayerbook, binding it to the Reform movement.

What is notable about this evolution is the moderate progression, and the lack of rancor accompanying the changes. Perhaps that is why Shaaray Tefila officially describes itself "as a traditionally oriented synagogue affiliated with Reform Judaism. We love and honor Jewish tradition, and hope that any Jew, from whatever background, will feel at home with us."

How often, and when, do we say Yizkor? Is this differnet from saying Kaddish? (Jan 2004)

We say Yizkor four times a year:

-Yom Kippur
-the last day of Sukkot
-the last day of Passover
-Shavuot

Note the juxtaposition of Yizkor with the three pilgrimage Festivals - Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot (so called because they were originally agricultural holidays requiring a journey to the ancient Temple with offerings of the first crops of each season). Such an unlikely combination is characteristic of Judaism: The joyous and the sad are inseparable aspects of life.

The Mourners Kaddish - which is written in Aramaic - is said on the anniversary of a loved one's death, their yahrzeit, according to either the secular calendar or the Hebrew date. A yahrzeit candle, which burns for 24 hours, is lit the night before.

Why do so many women cover their eyes and wave their hands around the Shabbat candles before saying the blessing over them? (Dec 2003)

Although it may seem that covering your eyes at the moment when Shabbat begins must be a way of focusing your thoughts (as when we say the Shema), the origin of the custom is a lot more complicated.

Usually, we say a blessing before we do the action. But if we said the candle blessing (which technically ushers in the Sabbath) before we lit the candles, we would be kindling a light during Shabbat, and that is not traditionally permitted. Therefore, we light Shabbat candles before saying the blessing, and the woman lighting them covers her eyes so that she does not "see" or enjoy the lit candles until after her blessing is said.

Before covering their eyes, many women draw their hands around the flames, usually three times. The Jewish Catalog describes some possible reasons for doing so: "It serves to usher in the Shabbat Bride as the light of Shabbat fills the room and surrounds the person; it symbolizes the culmination of the six days of creation with the seventh day of rest; it draws the warmth and light inside oneself."

What are some suggestions for building my Jewish library at home? (November 2003)

JEWS HAVE BEEN CALLED THE "PEOPLE OF THE BOOK" or am ha-sefer. Through our reading and learning we connect with Jews across time and space. Some fantastic books that various members of our clergy team and school staff have recommended for building a personal Jewish library are listed below. Many of these fine books will be available at our Temple's Book Fair on November 2.

1. Tanakh: The Holy Scriptures, The New JPS Translation

2. Gates of Prayer: The New Union Prayerbook, Weekdays, Sabbaths, and Festivals

3. On the Doorposts of Your House, Edited by Chaim Stern

4. The Jewish Holidays: A Guide & Commentary, by Michael Strassfeld

5. Jewish Literacy, by Joseph Telushkin

6. What is a Jew? By Morris Kertzer and revised by Lawrence Hoffman

7. A Historical Atlas of the Jewish People: From the Time of the Patriarchs to the Present, by Eli Barnavi (editor)

8. Finding God: Selected Responses, by Rifat Sonsino and Daniel B. Syme

9. The Jewish Home: A Guide for Jewish Living, by Daniel B. Syme

10. Jewish Living: A Guide to Contemporary Reform Practice, by Mark Washofsky

11. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Jewish History and Culture; and Guide to Understanding Judaism, by Benjamin Blech

12. Exodus, by Leon Uris

13. The Chosen, by Chaim Potok

14. The Diary of Anne Frank, by Anne Frank

Why do we turn toward the door during 'L'chah Dodi' on Friday night? (October 2003)

This most popular of Shabbat evening songs begins: 'L 'chah, dodi, likrat callah,' meaning, 'Come, my friend, to meet the Bride.' The bride in the song is the personification of Shabbat, whose entrance the congregation joyfully welcomes into the Sanctuary. By rising, we show honor for Shabbat, treating the Sabbath Bride as we would visiting royalty. Where did this personification come from? In Jewish thought, we repeatedly find a mythic female figure, who represents the Shechinah (God's feminine essence) or the people Israel itself, whom God loves like a bride or wife. This concept reached its mystic zenith when the Kabbalists of the city of Safad would dress in white on the eve of Shabbat and go out into the fields, singing, to escort the one they called the Sabbath Bride physically into their homes. This intense vision was put into poetic form by Solomon haLevi Alkabetz, who wrote 'L 'chah Dodi' in 1540. (Puzzle lovers will enjoy the challenge of finding the author's name, in Hebrew, hidden as an acrostic in the first letters of its lines.) And so the Sabbath Bride is passed down to us, and to Jews all over the world, who turn with anticipation to greet her arrival every Friday night.

The Scoop on Adult B'nai Mitzvah

With two children in Religious School, there's a lot of Bar Mitzvah talk in my home. I'm thinking about signing up for the Adult B'nai Mitzvah program myself. Who else participates? What exactly is taught and how good does my Hebrew have to be? (September 2003)

The program is for those who never before studied to become Bar or Bat Mitzvah, and also for those who went through the process in their youth, but want to spend time engrossed in adult Jewish learning with their clergy and celebrate again a reconnection to our tradition.

The only prerequisite is to know the Hebrew alphabet and have some very basic reading skills (the equivalent of an Introductory Adult Hebrew class). There will be optional Hebrew practice sessions each week to help you along and plenty of practice in class as well.

You'll be studying with all your clergy. Cantor Ruben teaches the prayers of the Friday Night service, not just how to read and sing them, but also what they mean and how the Shabbat service is structured. You'll also learn how to read and chant from the Torah. Rabbi Corngold will be focusing on Torah study; how to understand and derive meaningful contemporary lessons from our most important Jewish texts. And Rabbi Stein will lead sessions on Jewish spirituality

There will be short reading assignments most weeks, and, of course, you'll want to attend Shabbat services often throughout the year. You'll be amazed how much more meaningful your synagogue experience will soon start becoming, and it's a great opportunity to see and socialize with the friends you'll be making in class.

Don't forget the climax of the whole experience - the deeply moving group B'nai Mitzvah ceremony on Friday night, April 30, 2004. But so more remains even after that- friendships that will continue for years, and a bond with your synagogue, your clergy, and your heritage that will be with you always.

Can you please straighten out the details of Yizkor and Yahrzeit? No one in my family can agree on the rules. (May 2003)

Yahrzeit refers to the anniversary of the death of a loved one. Many people use the Hebrew calendar to calculate the date, others the secular calendar. Lighting a special yahrzeit candle the evening before the anniversary is traditional.

Yizkor is a service recited for deceased members of one's immediate family. It is included in the liturgy on Yom Kippur, the last day of Pesach, Shavuot, and the last day of Sukkot. A memorial candle is also kindled at such holidays. There is no need to wait a year after a death to say Yizkor, although this belief is widespread, and there is no statute of limitations on doing so.

How do I find Passover wines my whole family will like? (April 2003)

THERE ARE MORE KOSHER-FOR-PASSOVER wines than ever, and some of the best ones are made in Israel. Here are a few selections that will please everyone at your table and support the Israeli economy at the same time.

If fish is your first course, a nice accompaniment would be Dalton Sauvignon Blanc Fume, a friendly wine that comes from the Galilee region. It's a little fruity, but not sweet.

For your main course, you might consider Yarden Chardonnay or White Riesling, both of them fruity and refreshing, from the Golan Heights. Carmel Emerald Riesling and Chenin Blanc is a delicious blend with a little bit of sweetness. If you drink one glass, you're sure to want another.

When it comes to red wine, try Barkan Cabernet Sauvignon. It's easy to drink and can accompany everything from brisket to light dishes. For serious wine drinkers, Tishbi Estate Merlot is bigger, fuller-bodied, and more complex.

After dinner, Yarden Gewurztraminer would be delicious with strawberries dipped in chocolate. Binyamina Portok is another great dessert wine.
As Noam Zion suggests in his haggadah, "A Different Night", you might want to serve extensive hors d'oeurves during the karpas section, near the beginning of the seder. Not only is this a practical solution to the "When-do-we-eat?" syndrome, it was the custom of Rabbinic times. And what should accompany your appetizers? Champagne, of course! Yarden Brut is an excellent, dry sparkling wine. To freedom!

I know it's early to be thinking about Passover, but I'm already in the market for a new Haggadah. (March 2003)

You're smart to begin Passover planning now. Having the right haggadah for your seder can make all the difference in the the world.

Suggestions for families:

1. "A Family Haggadah II" by Shoshana Silberman (Kar-Ben Copies) 2. "We Tell It To Our Children" by Mary Ann Barrows Wark (Mt. Zion Hebrew Congregation Rabbi's Publication Fund and Mensch Makers Press, St. Paul, MN)

3. " A Different Night: The Family Participation Haggadah" by Noam Zion and David Dishon (The Shalom Hartman Institute, Jerusalem, Israel)

Suggestions for adults:

1. "A Passover Haggadah," also called The New Union Haggadah or the Baskin Haggadah, (CCAR)

2. "The Open Door" by Sue Levi Elwell (CCAR)

3. "The Metsudah Linear Haggadah" (KTAV Publishing House)

4. "The Haggadah: Art Scroll Mesorah Series" (Mesorah Publications)

And that's just for starters! There are hundreds of choices. The best way to shop for haggadot is to visit a Judaica store and compare for yourself. Feller's (1205 Lexington, 212-472-2300), West Side Judaica (2412 Broadway, 212-362-7846), and J. Levine {5 W.30th St.,212-695-6888) are all excellent choices for browsing. If nothing in print suits you perfectly, there's still plenty of time to make your own haggadah. Buy one copy of each haggadah you like, photocopy favorite passages for each step of the seder, and cut and paste. Add additional poems, artwork, and readings that are meaningful for you and make enough copies for everyone. Congregants who have undertaken this project say it's not as difficult as you might think, and it allows you to make changes easily every year, if you wish. It can also be a wonderful family project.

I am a single mother and want to make Shabbat a ritual in my home but there is no man to say the Kiddush over the wine. What do I do?

While it is customary for at least one adult male to recite the Kiddush (the blessing over the wine), this ritual is a requirement of Shabbat itself and not necessarily the sole domain of men or women, especially in Reform Judaism. In the absence of an adult male, a woman may recite or chant the Kiddush. In addition, all those who are present at the table should join the Kiddush, if they so desire.

The same is true for lighting Shabbat candles. Jewish tradition, requires the woman of the household to light the Shabbat candles, beginning on the first Shabbat after her marriage. However, should no woman be present, a man must light the Shabbat candles himself, since the lighting of candles is a requirement of Shabbat observance, not necessarily tied to gender.

How do we go about scheduling our wedding at Shaaray Tefila?

First of all, mazal tov! Amidst the whirlwind of planning a wedding, now is the time to take a deep breath and lay the groundwork for your event.

Before you set the date for your ceremony, please call the Temple clergy first. That means before you check out caterers, draw up the guest list, or try on dresses. The Rabbis and Cantor would be pleased to help you in any way they can, but they cannot officiate at your affair if they will be out of town or presiding at another wedding scheduled for the same day. In addition, there are some dates on the Jewish calendar on which weddings never take place, and the clergy can help you avoid making such scheduling errors.

The same is true for funerals, baby namings, and other life-cycle events. If you would like a particular member of the clergy to preside at such an occasion, don't set the date or time on your own. By making one call to us first, you may avoid disappointment and upset.

The planning of any significant event-happy or sad-is fraught with emotional turmoil. Some of that is natural, but some is needless. Let us steer you around the pitfalls of scheduling, and you will have eased your burden even before you begin planning your wedding. Just in time to look at invitations and pick a color scheme!

How I can arrange for a memorial plaque to honor my mother in the Temple?

Memorializing a loved one is a time-honored Jewish mitzvah. The memory of your mother will serve as a continuing inspiration to all who cherished her. At Shaaray Tefila, there are three possible ways to establish an eternal memorial in the Sanctuary:

A name inscribed in the Book of Life, the large volume inside a glass encasement located between the two staircases leading to the balcony seating. The names are done in calligraphy and are not in alphabetical order. This entails a minimum contribution of $300. Please allow several weeks for the inscription to be completed.

You may also choose a bronze plaque (1½ in. x 14 in.) inscribed with the name of your loved one, to be located on one of the rear memorial walls of the Sanctuary. You may also purchase space for future plaques or move existing plaques near a new memorial. A minimum contribution of $1,000; please allow 16 weeks for delivery and installation.

Finally you may choose a bronze plaque (1 in. x 4 in.), to be positioned on the back of a seat in the Sanctuary. Minimum contribution of $1,800; please allow 8 weeks for delivery and installation.

For any of these memorials, payments may be made over time. Call May-Ling Agosto in the Temple office (212-535-8008, x256) to make arrangements.

Your contribution to purchase the memorial helps support our congregation and its religious and educational programs and provides for the annual recitation, in perpetuity, of the Kaddish at the Shabbat service following the Yahrtzeit anniversary.

What is our position on the wearing of kippot and tallitot? Is this optional? Is there a preferred tradition?

We are a Reform congregation with a traditional orientation. We strongly encourage the wearing of a kippah at all time in the Sanctuary, even when there is no service. On the bimah, we require men to wear a kippah (at all times) and tallit (during a morning service and on Kol Nidre), and we strongly encourage women to do so as well. If there are those who choose to not to wear kippot or tallit in the congregation, the choice is theirs.

When are you supposed to wear a tallit?

It’s appropriate for you to wear a tallit for:

• All morning services (daily, Shabbat, holidays)

• Kol Nidre (Erev Yom Kippur)

• Being called up to the bimah to receive an aliyah

Service leaders (known as a 'Shaliach Tzibbur') always wear a tallit.

Every year, the Temple has sent me a letter informing me of my father’s yahrzeit. While I appreciate this, it was accompanied by a request for a donation. Why do I have to deal with monetary requests at such a difficult moment?

It’s understandable that you don’t wish to be distracted from thoughts of your loved one. But for centuries, Jews have honored our dead by giving tzedakah in their honor. It is appropriate to give a donation that will sustain the Jewish community (or, it should be noted, to give to any cause that was meaningful to the deceased) in order to memorialize your father. Likewise, on hearing of the death of a friend or relative, it has always been appropriate to make a contribution; this is considered more appropriate in the Jewish community than sending flowers.

Recently, one of my family members passed away and was cremated instead of buried. Is her death and the remembrance of such death treated any differently?

Traditionally cremation is discouraged in Jewish tradition because of the value of 'kibbud ha-guf', honor for the human body. Any marring of the body is considered disrespectful. Orthodox theology also affirms bodily resurrection, another reason for banning cremation. In a post-Holocaust world, some Jews feel that burning Jewish bodies is too painful a reminder of the fate of too many of our people in the concentration camps.

Orthodox and Conservative Rabbis will not officiate at a funeral involving a cremation. Perhaps even some Reform Rabbis would not officiate---but most would.  We at Temple Shaaray Tefila don’t encourage cremation---but we do officiate.

Can you explain Havdalah? I’ve seen it occasionally performed, but it seems too complicated to do on my own.

This lovely ceremony marks the end of Shabbat and distinguishes our weekly day of rest from the rest of the week. It abounds in special symbols: a braided candle, a cup of wine filled to overflowing, and a spice box, usually filled with cloves and cinnamon or some other fragrant spice.

First, the candle is lit and the blessing is said over the wine. Next comes the blessing over spices. Legend has it that the sweet smell is supposed to revive our spirits, depressed over the end of Shabbat. The spice box is passed around for all to smell. Then comes the blessing over the candle, which has been burning. Since blessings should reflect some action in which we are participating, it is traditional to hold up your hands to the warmth of the flame with your fingers cupped over the palms. Finally, we say the Havdalah blessing itself, as prayer praising God as the creator of distinctions, and the cup of wine is drunk. "Eliyahu ha-Navi," the beautiful song about Elijah the Prophet, symbolic of the coming of the Messianic Age, is traditionally sung while the burning candle is extinguished in the remaining wine.

Havdalah is a wonderful ritual for the home. Kids love the drama. And it’s a great way to energize yourself for the week ahead. The blessings are in The Gates of Prayer. If Havdalah is new to you, try it with your family this week.